My Own Site!

Finally!!

I've got myself a own site and installed Wordpress into it. Now I can manage my own *worthless* blog!

Here's the address - http://www.ph110.net/

My Obsessions

*Yawn*

No, I am not sleepy. In fact, I’ve slept for 17 hours straight after reaching home from work and without dinner! Woke up at 8 o’ clock the this morning. Darn! It is rare to be awake at this kind of hour which I should be still sleeping.. under normal circumstances.

I am half happy and half whining today. Happy because I did manage to get a Nike tee and a sneaker! *Yeah* Whining because I got only 2 items after being out and in 1 Utama for almost half day (as in half of the daytime). I saw this nice pair of sneaker in The Curve’s Nike store. I was reluctant to buy it at first. Why? Last pair and size 9.. but I can’t find it anywhere else.. After a short discussion with my wise and old mum *ahem*.. I have decided to bring it home!

WMNS Nike Sneaker

Forgot to snap my tee.. =D Damn, I am gonna get broke from buying Nike stuff. Haha!

Holiday in Planning

I WANT A HOLIDAY!

I have been planning for a holiday during Chinese New Year since middle of last year but no one seems to be interested in joining. Well, no sweat.. I can go on my own. If I book now, it would be more expensive but what the heck! Who cares as long as I'll have my holiday.

Plan, plan, plan..

The Symptoms

• Excluded from a group.
• Unloved by those around you.
• Alienated from your surroundings.
• There is no one with whom to share your personal concerns and experiences.
• That you are alone and have no other choice.
• Difficult to make friends and go beyond mere acquaintance.

Make any sense?

Code of Life (Warning: 18SX)

While digging up other people's secrets, I stumbled upon this funny and yet true "code of life".. working life, to be exact.

Code Number 1:

if isnull(bonus) and isnull(increament) then emotional = "hopeless"

Code Number 2:

if ((bonus==0) && (increament==0)) {
fuckTheBoss();
LookingForJob();
LeaveTheCompany();
}

Code Number 3:

if (!hasBonus)
{
fuckTheBoss();
if getFired
{
while bossStillAlive()
{
fuckTheBoss();
}
}
else
{
FindJob();
}
}
else if (bonus == a little bit)
{
FindJob()
}
else
...
FindJob()
{
LookForJob();
fuckTheBoss();
LeaveCompany();
}

Agree?

Freedom

Averse to turn in to my bed, the night has become unwelcome for times like this. Sleep won’t come easy. Plagued by regrets of things in the past, apprehension and fear of possibilities for the future, my present is as listless as I am in my bed where I should be feeling rested.

Where do we begin when we examine our lives?
And when we do find a focal point where to start, how do we start?

Seeing life in a different perspective is both enlightening and frightening. It scares me feeling a little lost and seeing the sands of time slipping fast between my fingers - the time to evaluate what I really want, time to see the world in a wider arc and so it follows the more freedom to try different waters.

Conundrums of everyday life seem to be trivial but when presented with them we often times freeze. Why not? Decisions we put together either make or break us sooner or later. We keep hoping though that whatever we do contribute to our forward steps to the good life we all aim for.

I want a shot at some things I dream of. Whatever that means. Sometimes they are so grand they border on the improbable but dreams are free so I might as well dream big and I wish that whatever doors I closed, I will be granted an open window.

My life is not exactly like what it is I present to people. They see me as someone strong, unaffected, always ready and unafraid. I like it so much to open up and say I am anything but the façade I built up for so long. But how could I when it is what they have come to believe?

The truth may indeed set us free but what comes after freedom? Is the truth going to be enough to face the future?

Well, maybe I better see it as a start and I am willing to grab it as a paddle for my boat in this river of life and be optimistic that it will lead to the sea of opportunities and eventually land me on a good catch.

A Depressed Introvert

Yeah, I am an introvert! An extreme one too. I am alone, isolated on a no-man island and I am living in my own world. I'd prefer "talking" to this blog for the most of the time. I don't like going out in a big crowd. If I do, I will always be the one walking behind. I don't like to go on a gathering.

Recently, I've wrote a lot about my thoughts and feelings. You see, one's feeling can be very complicated. We don't understand why people feeling sad or troubled. I guess that is normal as we are not a mind reader unless they tell us themselves. Have you not able to apprehend why you are feeling sad and what are troubling you? Or you have something to tell but you do not know whom to tell and how to tell. Things seem to be stuck at your throat/mind. At the end, other people will not know what and how you are feeling.

Some people often feels difficult dealing or talking with someone like me. It is very hard to get me straight to the point. You can talk to me for more than an hour and yet still not able to get what you want. I am an ordinary human too. I do enjoy attention, if it is coming itself. When people do care, we reject. It is such a dilemma. Maybe people like me are living in dilemma.

More recently after the new year, I'd feel the gap or distance between people around me and myself are getting big and bigger. We are no longer like we used to be. The connections are still there but communication and interaction are getting less and lesser. Sometime, it will make you think that it feels better to be alone from the beginning. It will not hurt so much when things are changing because you will not know what is the feeling to have friends around you thus you will not know what to feel when it is happening.

I am a very depressed introvert.. and I don't need help and sympathies. Thank you.