My Own Site!

Finally!!

I've got myself a own site and installed Wordpress into it. Now I can manage my own *worthless* blog!

Here's the address - http://www.ph110.net/

My Obsessions

*Yawn*

No, I am not sleepy. In fact, I’ve slept for 17 hours straight after reaching home from work and without dinner! Woke up at 8 o’ clock the this morning. Darn! It is rare to be awake at this kind of hour which I should be still sleeping.. under normal circumstances.

I am half happy and half whining today. Happy because I did manage to get a Nike tee and a sneaker! *Yeah* Whining because I got only 2 items after being out and in 1 Utama for almost half day (as in half of the daytime). I saw this nice pair of sneaker in The Curve’s Nike store. I was reluctant to buy it at first. Why? Last pair and size 9.. but I can’t find it anywhere else.. After a short discussion with my wise and old mum *ahem*.. I have decided to bring it home!

WMNS Nike Sneaker

Forgot to snap my tee.. =D Damn, I am gonna get broke from buying Nike stuff. Haha!

Holiday in Planning

I WANT A HOLIDAY!

I have been planning for a holiday during Chinese New Year since middle of last year but no one seems to be interested in joining. Well, no sweat.. I can go on my own. If I book now, it would be more expensive but what the heck! Who cares as long as I'll have my holiday.

Plan, plan, plan..

The Symptoms

• Excluded from a group.
• Unloved by those around you.
• Alienated from your surroundings.
• There is no one with whom to share your personal concerns and experiences.
• That you are alone and have no other choice.
• Difficult to make friends and go beyond mere acquaintance.

Make any sense?

Code of Life (Warning: 18SX)

While digging up other people's secrets, I stumbled upon this funny and yet true "code of life".. working life, to be exact.

Code Number 1:

if isnull(bonus) and isnull(increament) then emotional = "hopeless"

Code Number 2:

if ((bonus==0) && (increament==0)) {
fuckTheBoss();
LookingForJob();
LeaveTheCompany();
}

Code Number 3:

if (!hasBonus)
{
fuckTheBoss();
if getFired
{
while bossStillAlive()
{
fuckTheBoss();
}
}
else
{
FindJob();
}
}
else if (bonus == a little bit)
{
FindJob()
}
else
...
FindJob()
{
LookForJob();
fuckTheBoss();
LeaveCompany();
}

Agree?

Freedom

Averse to turn in to my bed, the night has become unwelcome for times like this. Sleep won’t come easy. Plagued by regrets of things in the past, apprehension and fear of possibilities for the future, my present is as listless as I am in my bed where I should be feeling rested.

Where do we begin when we examine our lives?
And when we do find a focal point where to start, how do we start?

Seeing life in a different perspective is both enlightening and frightening. It scares me feeling a little lost and seeing the sands of time slipping fast between my fingers - the time to evaluate what I really want, time to see the world in a wider arc and so it follows the more freedom to try different waters.

Conundrums of everyday life seem to be trivial but when presented with them we often times freeze. Why not? Decisions we put together either make or break us sooner or later. We keep hoping though that whatever we do contribute to our forward steps to the good life we all aim for.

I want a shot at some things I dream of. Whatever that means. Sometimes they are so grand they border on the improbable but dreams are free so I might as well dream big and I wish that whatever doors I closed, I will be granted an open window.

My life is not exactly like what it is I present to people. They see me as someone strong, unaffected, always ready and unafraid. I like it so much to open up and say I am anything but the façade I built up for so long. But how could I when it is what they have come to believe?

The truth may indeed set us free but what comes after freedom? Is the truth going to be enough to face the future?

Well, maybe I better see it as a start and I am willing to grab it as a paddle for my boat in this river of life and be optimistic that it will lead to the sea of opportunities and eventually land me on a good catch.

A Depressed Introvert

Yeah, I am an introvert! An extreme one too. I am alone, isolated on a no-man island and I am living in my own world. I'd prefer "talking" to this blog for the most of the time. I don't like going out in a big crowd. If I do, I will always be the one walking behind. I don't like to go on a gathering.

Recently, I've wrote a lot about my thoughts and feelings. You see, one's feeling can be very complicated. We don't understand why people feeling sad or troubled. I guess that is normal as we are not a mind reader unless they tell us themselves. Have you not able to apprehend why you are feeling sad and what are troubling you? Or you have something to tell but you do not know whom to tell and how to tell. Things seem to be stuck at your throat/mind. At the end, other people will not know what and how you are feeling.

Some people often feels difficult dealing or talking with someone like me. It is very hard to get me straight to the point. You can talk to me for more than an hour and yet still not able to get what you want. I am an ordinary human too. I do enjoy attention, if it is coming itself. When people do care, we reject. It is such a dilemma. Maybe people like me are living in dilemma.

More recently after the new year, I'd feel the gap or distance between people around me and myself are getting big and bigger. We are no longer like we used to be. The connections are still there but communication and interaction are getting less and lesser. Sometime, it will make you think that it feels better to be alone from the beginning. It will not hurt so much when things are changing because you will not know what is the feeling to have friends around you thus you will not know what to feel when it is happening.

I am a very depressed introvert.. and I don't need help and sympathies. Thank you.

Awkward

She was admitted for a cyst removal operation yesterday. I paid her a visit just now. Reached there around 9:30pm, everyone else was already there. They are surprised to see me but I am not sure if she is, at least I thought they were. Except for the "Hi", basically I was just standing there hiding behind someone and watched the TV. Everyone else were talking and I just stood there. I am not sure if my presence brings any meaning. I wanted to say something but don't know why it just can't come out.

On the way home, I was speeding like no body's business. Many things are running around in my mind and suddenly tears are bursting out. Don't ask me why.

To you-know-who,

Sorry if you will feel better without me coming at all. Sorry for not talking more than I did. I'd sincerely hope for your speedy recovery, the best pink of health and no more surgeries.

Bad Day

I'd believe I will be having bad days for a long time. Everyday seems to be bad to me.

by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Click on the play button

Gone Nutty

I don't know what is happening to me lately. My brain nerves must has gone crisscrossed to a only-God-know what state. I was god-damn moody for more than a week. I am not mixing with other people, not too much talk between friends, made a lot of "down" statements.. basically just rubbish. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what am I writing right now!

Last night, I was messaging a pal. She was talking about buying Nike tee and asking when I am going to buy new clothes for Chinese New Year. I was so disinterested then and started blurring stuffs. I actually said that I am not going to celebrate Chinese New Year so there is no need to buy new clothes. She was kind of shock. Well, Nike woh.. one of my obsessions and I am NOT interested.. She wondered if not letting me to kacau her is causing this. No one in this world have the obligation to keep someone accompanied. After a few messages, I fell asleep. This morning, she sent me a SMS but I did not reply immediately as I was setting up the stupid PC. It was like 10 or 15 minutes later, she sent another SMS apologising if I had angry with her.

To you-know-who,

No, I did not gone nut because you did not let me to kacau you. No, I am not angry at you and why would I angry at you when you did nothing wrong? I am just feeling mad at myself and shutting myself up. It is one kind of a feeling which is hard to describe.

Instead, I am very grateful and thankful for your presence. I couldn't express my gratitude more. I am not a very straight-forward or a very direct kind of person, so I will not walk in front of you, hug and thank you. I am an indirect kind of person instead. You will even not noticing it if I am doing it but just want to let you know how grateful I am.

Thank you.

Yet.. Another Year

First of all, wishing you all a very Happy New Year. May you will be blessed with all the great things in life and a cheerful year. To be a little not-myself, wish 2008 will be a peaceful year. *PEACE*

New year -- reminds us of fireworks, crowds, traffic congestions, get-togethers with friends and family and of course not to mention.. yelling 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I did not have any of those mentioned above. Stayed at home without dinner but thankfully I had my trustworthy computer and a not-so-trustworthy internet connection. It was a rather lonely and pathetic new year. =D Yeah, I'd admit that I'm friendless.. =.="

Forgot about one thing, it is not a new year without a new year resolution. Do you have one (or more)? How many resolutions do people usually make? Let's see if I can even get 10..

1. Get a life
2. Get a better life
3. Get a great life
4. ...
5. ...
6. ...
7. ...
8. ...
9. Be more decisive
10. Okay, save enough for a backpack trip.. to anywhere.

Yeah, I got 10!!

Okay, I am cheating.. So, I just got 2. Guess that should be more than enough. Yeah, I know I am leading a no-life life. From time to time, I'd feel that I am living in my own world. The door to the outside world is too narrow for people around me to come in and for me to go out. Even people came *knock knock knock*, I'd just shoo them away.. well, literally. This paragraph will drive them mad if they happen to read this. ^^

Looking back to 2007, other than being unemployed for almost 3 months, my life doesn't seem to be any different from the year before. I don't want to say "I want my 2008 to be extraordinary!" as I know I do not have the courage to do so. Therefore, I need to be more decisive (updated point number 9 of my resolution list). 2007 was not a smooth year for me even though I was supposed to "rule the world" that year (meaning it was the year of pig). I had problems with work and relationship was the worst one. Got into a lot or argument, got very bad-tempered most of the time, easily losing my patience and as Michelle said, I am depressed.

She is a best friend. We got into arguments, a lot of arguments in a very short period. Cried a lot during those moment. We used to be very close but after getting over those stupid arguments, we rarely talk to and see each other, apart from occasional MSN conversations. Gradually, I think things are getting much more better now. She IS still my best friend. Other than almost losing a best friend, I am very grateful to someone for being there when I was getting extremely unreasonable and difficult, for sparing hours of their time listening to my craps, worried about me and babysitted me.

I guess this should be enough for today. Getting a bit tired after going around with my parent discussing about the new house for almost half a day. Let me present you a song by ABBA with the title Happy New Year.. So, Goodbye 2007 and Hello 2008!

Happy New Year
by ABBA

No more champagne and the fireworks are through
Here we are, me and you feeling lost and feeling blue
It's the end of the party and the morning seems so grey
So unlike yesterday, now's the time for us to say...

Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don't we might as well lay down and die
You and I

Sometimes I see how the brave new world arrives
And I see how it thrives in the ashes of our lives
Oh yes, man is a fool and he thinks he'll be okay
Dragging on (hoo-hoo), feet of clay (hoo-hoo)
Never knowing he's astray keeps on going anyway

Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don't we might as well lay down and die
You...And I

Seems to me now that the dreams we had before
Are all dead, nothing more than confetti on the floor
It's the end of a decade in another ten years time
Who can say what we'll find what lies waiting down the line
In the end of eighty-nine

Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don't we might as well lay down and die
You...And I