My Own Site!

Finally!!

I've got myself a own site and installed Wordpress into it. Now I can manage my own *worthless* blog!

Here's the address - http://www.ph110.net/

My Obsessions

*Yawn*

No, I am not sleepy. In fact, I’ve slept for 17 hours straight after reaching home from work and without dinner! Woke up at 8 o’ clock the this morning. Darn! It is rare to be awake at this kind of hour which I should be still sleeping.. under normal circumstances.

I am half happy and half whining today. Happy because I did manage to get a Nike tee and a sneaker! *Yeah* Whining because I got only 2 items after being out and in 1 Utama for almost half day (as in half of the daytime). I saw this nice pair of sneaker in The Curve’s Nike store. I was reluctant to buy it at first. Why? Last pair and size 9.. but I can’t find it anywhere else.. After a short discussion with my wise and old mum *ahem*.. I have decided to bring it home!

WMNS Nike Sneaker

Forgot to snap my tee.. =D Damn, I am gonna get broke from buying Nike stuff. Haha!

Holiday in Planning

I WANT A HOLIDAY!

I have been planning for a holiday during Chinese New Year since middle of last year but no one seems to be interested in joining. Well, no sweat.. I can go on my own. If I book now, it would be more expensive but what the heck! Who cares as long as I'll have my holiday.

Plan, plan, plan..

The Symptoms

• Excluded from a group.
• Unloved by those around you.
• Alienated from your surroundings.
• There is no one with whom to share your personal concerns and experiences.
• That you are alone and have no other choice.
• Difficult to make friends and go beyond mere acquaintance.

Make any sense?

Code of Life (Warning: 18SX)

While digging up other people's secrets, I stumbled upon this funny and yet true "code of life".. working life, to be exact.

Code Number 1:

if isnull(bonus) and isnull(increament) then emotional = "hopeless"

Code Number 2:

if ((bonus==0) && (increament==0)) {
fuckTheBoss();
LookingForJob();
LeaveTheCompany();
}

Code Number 3:

if (!hasBonus)
{
fuckTheBoss();
if getFired
{
while bossStillAlive()
{
fuckTheBoss();
}
}
else
{
FindJob();
}
}
else if (bonus == a little bit)
{
FindJob()
}
else
...
FindJob()
{
LookForJob();
fuckTheBoss();
LeaveCompany();
}

Agree?

Freedom

Averse to turn in to my bed, the night has become unwelcome for times like this. Sleep won’t come easy. Plagued by regrets of things in the past, apprehension and fear of possibilities for the future, my present is as listless as I am in my bed where I should be feeling rested.

Where do we begin when we examine our lives?
And when we do find a focal point where to start, how do we start?

Seeing life in a different perspective is both enlightening and frightening. It scares me feeling a little lost and seeing the sands of time slipping fast between my fingers - the time to evaluate what I really want, time to see the world in a wider arc and so it follows the more freedom to try different waters.

Conundrums of everyday life seem to be trivial but when presented with them we often times freeze. Why not? Decisions we put together either make or break us sooner or later. We keep hoping though that whatever we do contribute to our forward steps to the good life we all aim for.

I want a shot at some things I dream of. Whatever that means. Sometimes they are so grand they border on the improbable but dreams are free so I might as well dream big and I wish that whatever doors I closed, I will be granted an open window.

My life is not exactly like what it is I present to people. They see me as someone strong, unaffected, always ready and unafraid. I like it so much to open up and say I am anything but the façade I built up for so long. But how could I when it is what they have come to believe?

The truth may indeed set us free but what comes after freedom? Is the truth going to be enough to face the future?

Well, maybe I better see it as a start and I am willing to grab it as a paddle for my boat in this river of life and be optimistic that it will lead to the sea of opportunities and eventually land me on a good catch.

A Depressed Introvert

Yeah, I am an introvert! An extreme one too. I am alone, isolated on a no-man island and I am living in my own world. I'd prefer "talking" to this blog for the most of the time. I don't like going out in a big crowd. If I do, I will always be the one walking behind. I don't like to go on a gathering.

Recently, I've wrote a lot about my thoughts and feelings. You see, one's feeling can be very complicated. We don't understand why people feeling sad or troubled. I guess that is normal as we are not a mind reader unless they tell us themselves. Have you not able to apprehend why you are feeling sad and what are troubling you? Or you have something to tell but you do not know whom to tell and how to tell. Things seem to be stuck at your throat/mind. At the end, other people will not know what and how you are feeling.

Some people often feels difficult dealing or talking with someone like me. It is very hard to get me straight to the point. You can talk to me for more than an hour and yet still not able to get what you want. I am an ordinary human too. I do enjoy attention, if it is coming itself. When people do care, we reject. It is such a dilemma. Maybe people like me are living in dilemma.

More recently after the new year, I'd feel the gap or distance between people around me and myself are getting big and bigger. We are no longer like we used to be. The connections are still there but communication and interaction are getting less and lesser. Sometime, it will make you think that it feels better to be alone from the beginning. It will not hurt so much when things are changing because you will not know what is the feeling to have friends around you thus you will not know what to feel when it is happening.

I am a very depressed introvert.. and I don't need help and sympathies. Thank you.

Awkward

She was admitted for a cyst removal operation yesterday. I paid her a visit just now. Reached there around 9:30pm, everyone else was already there. They are surprised to see me but I am not sure if she is, at least I thought they were. Except for the "Hi", basically I was just standing there hiding behind someone and watched the TV. Everyone else were talking and I just stood there. I am not sure if my presence brings any meaning. I wanted to say something but don't know why it just can't come out.

On the way home, I was speeding like no body's business. Many things are running around in my mind and suddenly tears are bursting out. Don't ask me why.

To you-know-who,

Sorry if you will feel better without me coming at all. Sorry for not talking more than I did. I'd sincerely hope for your speedy recovery, the best pink of health and no more surgeries.

Bad Day

I'd believe I will be having bad days for a long time. Everyday seems to be bad to me.

by Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Click on the play button

Gone Nutty

I don't know what is happening to me lately. My brain nerves must has gone crisscrossed to a only-God-know what state. I was god-damn moody for more than a week. I am not mixing with other people, not too much talk between friends, made a lot of "down" statements.. basically just rubbish. To tell you the truth, I don't even know what am I writing right now!

Last night, I was messaging a pal. She was talking about buying Nike tee and asking when I am going to buy new clothes for Chinese New Year. I was so disinterested then and started blurring stuffs. I actually said that I am not going to celebrate Chinese New Year so there is no need to buy new clothes. She was kind of shock. Well, Nike woh.. one of my obsessions and I am NOT interested.. She wondered if not letting me to kacau her is causing this. No one in this world have the obligation to keep someone accompanied. After a few messages, I fell asleep. This morning, she sent me a SMS but I did not reply immediately as I was setting up the stupid PC. It was like 10 or 15 minutes later, she sent another SMS apologising if I had angry with her.

To you-know-who,

No, I did not gone nut because you did not let me to kacau you. No, I am not angry at you and why would I angry at you when you did nothing wrong? I am just feeling mad at myself and shutting myself up. It is one kind of a feeling which is hard to describe.

Instead, I am very grateful and thankful for your presence. I couldn't express my gratitude more. I am not a very straight-forward or a very direct kind of person, so I will not walk in front of you, hug and thank you. I am an indirect kind of person instead. You will even not noticing it if I am doing it but just want to let you know how grateful I am.

Thank you.

Yet.. Another Year

First of all, wishing you all a very Happy New Year. May you will be blessed with all the great things in life and a cheerful year. To be a little not-myself, wish 2008 will be a peaceful year. *PEACE*

New year -- reminds us of fireworks, crowds, traffic congestions, get-togethers with friends and family and of course not to mention.. yelling 3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I did not have any of those mentioned above. Stayed at home without dinner but thankfully I had my trustworthy computer and a not-so-trustworthy internet connection. It was a rather lonely and pathetic new year. =D Yeah, I'd admit that I'm friendless.. =.="

Forgot about one thing, it is not a new year without a new year resolution. Do you have one (or more)? How many resolutions do people usually make? Let's see if I can even get 10..

1. Get a life
2. Get a better life
3. Get a great life
4. ...
5. ...
6. ...
7. ...
8. ...
9. Be more decisive
10. Okay, save enough for a backpack trip.. to anywhere.

Yeah, I got 10!!

Okay, I am cheating.. So, I just got 2. Guess that should be more than enough. Yeah, I know I am leading a no-life life. From time to time, I'd feel that I am living in my own world. The door to the outside world is too narrow for people around me to come in and for me to go out. Even people came *knock knock knock*, I'd just shoo them away.. well, literally. This paragraph will drive them mad if they happen to read this. ^^

Looking back to 2007, other than being unemployed for almost 3 months, my life doesn't seem to be any different from the year before. I don't want to say "I want my 2008 to be extraordinary!" as I know I do not have the courage to do so. Therefore, I need to be more decisive (updated point number 9 of my resolution list). 2007 was not a smooth year for me even though I was supposed to "rule the world" that year (meaning it was the year of pig). I had problems with work and relationship was the worst one. Got into a lot or argument, got very bad-tempered most of the time, easily losing my patience and as Michelle said, I am depressed.

She is a best friend. We got into arguments, a lot of arguments in a very short period. Cried a lot during those moment. We used to be very close but after getting over those stupid arguments, we rarely talk to and see each other, apart from occasional MSN conversations. Gradually, I think things are getting much more better now. She IS still my best friend. Other than almost losing a best friend, I am very grateful to someone for being there when I was getting extremely unreasonable and difficult, for sparing hours of their time listening to my craps, worried about me and babysitted me.

I guess this should be enough for today. Getting a bit tired after going around with my parent discussing about the new house for almost half a day. Let me present you a song by ABBA with the title Happy New Year.. So, Goodbye 2007 and Hello 2008!

Happy New Year
by ABBA

No more champagne and the fireworks are through
Here we are, me and you feeling lost and feeling blue
It's the end of the party and the morning seems so grey
So unlike yesterday, now's the time for us to say...

Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don't we might as well lay down and die
You and I

Sometimes I see how the brave new world arrives
And I see how it thrives in the ashes of our lives
Oh yes, man is a fool and he thinks he'll be okay
Dragging on (hoo-hoo), feet of clay (hoo-hoo)
Never knowing he's astray keeps on going anyway

Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don't we might as well lay down and die
You...And I

Seems to me now that the dreams we had before
Are all dead, nothing more than confetti on the floor
It's the end of a decade in another ten years time
Who can say what we'll find what lies waiting down the line
In the end of eighty-nine

Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year, Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don't we might as well lay down and die
You...And I

Don't Cry

Dearest,

When was the last time you cried yourself to sleep? Not that I long for you to be emotionally distressed, enough for you to shed tears… Remember, you used to tell me, “Such a beautiful release it is to strum one’s emotional strings; to bathe naked one’s soul with the swelling eyes.”

Yes, it truly is human nature. Mama’s baby cries hard upon his first choking gasp of air—and I guess, it pays, sometimes to be mummy’s teary eyed grown-up. It brings back a sense of a new beginning—much like a re-birth.

But it’s hard isn’t it?

In this contemporary time when many are in physical, emotional, spiritual, social and even internal pain, and many thus find a sense of comfort in sobbing, shouldn’t I be thankful that I haven’t had found reason to cry?

As I grow older, I feel more fortified from the “sea of emotions” that I once attributed to life. Innocence lost leads to numbing out, I guess. It’s no pretty picture, but right now it is what I see.

I feel like singing now:
Hush little baby don’t you cry, mama’s go’nna buy you a Mocking Bird.
And if that Mocking Bird don’t mock, mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.

Matter more than ideas has concerned me a lot lately. Not that I am focusing my energies into making myself rich. No sir! But, I hadn’t had the luxury of time to breathe-in figments. I miss doing this.

I remember myself cry every time I finish writing something which truly reflects my ideas-- but not lately. No time even to write. How come, when I have owed much from this art, why have I deliberately allowed myself to find a block… a valid reason not to attempt writing.

The obsession of material concerns have taken control over subliminal forms of compulsion: crying, writing, deep-breathing, praying… keeping attuned with self. I truly miss my self.

Perhaps, it’s not just me. Maybe even you, my dearest, had you had time to cry whilst someone goes to buy you something so you could just hush… Be a child. Pretend that your diamonds do not glitter. Cry your heart out.

Four days have passed since I sprained my left foot ankle. Finally, it is no longer swollen. Tomorrow I am back to work. Am I glad to have slipped on the bathroom floor, though I didn’t cry because of pain, I was forced to have time to myself… and finally, write. But not cry =)

Haywired

After 2 days of confining myself in the house alone, theoretically. Mom has gone to Hatyai, Dad and Bro out the house for the whole day so I am basically home alone. Kept myself busy, cleaning up the house, washed the clothes but dang! It took only 1 and a half hour! While taking the laundry upstair, I knocked my forehead. *Ouch* It it not bruised but reddish..

The rest of the day seems very gloomy and emotional to me. I started messaging myself. Yes, myself and I accidentally sent it to a pal. I thought it was lucky that she was sleeping and did not pay much attention to that message but she remembered it later at night and asked me what is happening. No big deal, I thought. Just some idiotic playing with message. =D

Okay, it is time for making up stories and get away from it. I seems to be good at getting away from situation.

Sometimes, I feel that maybe it is right not to be too close to anyone. At least, if there is something happen to me, people around will not cry so much. ^^ But what I did seems to be conflicting with what I thought.

Nah, I guess my brain really got haywired already. @@

Today

by Unknown

Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries
I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Then I'll forget all the joy that is mine today

I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover
You'll know who I am by the songs that I sing
I'll feast at your table
I'll sleep in your clover
Who cares what tomorrow shall bring

Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries
I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Then I'll forget all the joy that is mine today

I can't be contended with yesterday's glory
I can't live on promises winter to spring
Today is my moment and now is my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing

Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries
I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Then I'll forget all the joy that is mine today

Click on the play button

Bad Pre-Holiday

Work when New Year is approaching is kinda great. I am able to catch a few episodes of Heroes and slacking around the office. Everyone were so free and walking around the office. Too bad my morning was spoilt by a brainless Singaporean. He doesn't even know what is the meaning of "preloaded". I heard that he called earlier and got one of our newbie. He held on the line for 45 minutes and refused to hang up just for a small matter.

He complained that the new laptop he received was installed with the wrong operating system. It has Windows Vista instead of Windows XP. So, checked his call history and no ticket was raised for new PC installation. Told him that Vista was preloaded in every new laptop purchased and HP/Agilent image will be installed after he raised a ticket for it. He said HP services sucks and don't care if it's HP/Agilent's policy and insisted to speak with the manager. I passed the call to one of the CLM girl. Poor her. ^^ My AM team lead came and asked us if we wanna escalate him. We went "Banzai!" To compensate the bad morning. I had KFC for lunch with a bunch of agents.

Continued with my Heroes after lunch and people are still free to walk around. Each and everyone came to my place always asked me the same question - "What are you watching?" So, I came up with this great idea..

Great idea, huh? =D

I am a Wild Boar!!

I got this cute calendar in Excel format from a friend. It is very convenient in the sense of you have every information that a typical Chinese would want to have but not convenient to bring it around. It's in MS Excel format, remember??

They have this zodiac analysis too. Cool! Since this year is my year. Yeah, I'm a PIG! Thought of checking mine out. Don't bother asking me to translate. I know how to read but not translating.. Go find someone else.

个性：耿直无弯曲，能向直中取，不可曲中求，心如洁白，无雅量，外观稳重，内心刚毅，好财，好批评他人是非，无忍耐性，依靠性强，不善交际。

特征：年轻时，对家庭不满，但心里却乃敬爱双亲，性格诚实，自视甚高，常吃亏，亥年出生的晚年都很幸福，中年以后能慢慢发挥才能，需注意呼吸及消化系统的疾病。

真诚正直，凡事认真实行，人缘极佳。性情率直，心地善良，个人主义至上，内心刚毅慷慨大方，直接了当，正义感强烈，光明磊落，不拘小节，天真浪漫。Ｏ型猪年生的人思想单纯天真，不会与人斤斤计较，肖猪的人绝对不是诈欺和出卖朋友的人，坦诚真意很能容忍。与人没有多大的竞争，除非在万不得已的情况下不会说谎，举止正当态度和善。肖猪者智力丰富求知欲强，慷慨大方，直接了当。朋友友谊长久，不交则已，一但成为挚友便会对朋友照顾得无微不至。肖猪人乐天主义，不需要过份操劳便可维持生计。女性非常著重家庭，有计划地安排家务。最能容忍别人讥笑，逆来顺受。

好睡重眠心地善良，对人没有猜疑而常受骗上当。好批评不善交际。性情燥脾气粗暴而容易冲动，缺乏沟通协调精神。女性好猜疑嫉妒气短浅见。固执俗气，贪玩乐无进取心。属猪人最大恶劣个性就是会存心捣蛋、恶作剧，决不会中途而废，一定会弄到别人一败涂地方肯罢休。

Source: http://astro.xeyo.com/xing/shengqiao/zhu.htm

Actually, I don't really understand what it says. Haha.. =D Whatever, not all are accurate though. I never know I am an optimistic person, I am always a pessimistic one..

Just When I Needed You Most

by Richard Van Warmer

You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didn't stand in your way.

But I miss you more than I missed you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
'Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Left me just when I needed you most.

Now most every morning, I stare out the window
And I think about where you might be
I've written you letters that I'd like to send
If you would just send one to me.

'Cause I need you more than I needed before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
'Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Left me just when I needed you most.

You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didn't stand in your way.

Now I love you more than I loved you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
'Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Oh yeah, you left me just when I needed you most
You left me just when I needed you most.

Click on the play button

Christmas is Here!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

I got my first Christmas present last night from mum.. Not one oh.. but two!! Well, it can be considered as a surprise though. She called and asked my whereabout. The mobile network at my house sucks and I had to go out the porch for a clearer reception. She told me she is heading to the Curve with friends for celebration and suddenly her car appeared in front of me! @^$#!& She was laughing so happily for bluffing me oh.. She handed 2 wrapped gifts to me and we headed out for dinner as I had yet to have mine. The celebration with her friends was a bluff. It was ended before she came. =.=" It was really a surprise as to how I surprised her, I guess.

Is it a tradition to open Christmas gifts after the clock hitting 12? Hmm, nevermind since I am not a religious kinda person (I'm not a Christian, by the way)

My X'mas pressie..

zZzz

You don't expect people to work on weekend.. except for people in my field lah.. I am not expecting any calls today anyway. I started my day with Letter from Iwo Jima, halfway then continue with One Piece. I had Bleach and Naruto with me as well but didn't seem to have the mood to watch them. Then, did test calls for the rest of the day.

Full screen!!

See how relax I am during weekend.. I wished I had bring my pillow =D

Usually weekends are only *reserved* to support US people who are working from home or some lifeless Malaysian and Singaporean who are rushing things last minute before holiday. Well, this is normal when Christmas and New Year are approaching. Well, it is a long holiday by the way. That's why I can do that!! xD

Christmas Presents

Do you always know what to get for who as Christmas gifts?

I must admit, I sucks at this! I have hard time thinking and looking. Plus, I was working night shifts for 2 weeks and was too darn tired to go shopping. Managed to get something on Tuesday and today, I have received my stuffs which I had ordered on the net. Am "studying" how these things work. Wondering if I should wrap it in its original or "modified" state.. ??

Anyway, hopefully they will like it! =D

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!